Exposure

How many lies have you told today?

How many lies have you justified today?

How many lies have you told, to somebody to make an excuse or to cover up, our addiction?

I used to get cysts on my knees and on my elbows from freebasing. I'd come up with lies as to why those were happening rather than acknowelI was using what kind of lies have you told to your friends or families? You know, the ones that you care about or at least say you do what lies have you told them to get high, to use, to drink?

You see, we are very good at lying to people. We can come up with lies all the time It's natural because we're gonna get what we want, no matter what, it's that perpetual personal pleasure that you're looking at that has you avoid any type of your morals, your values, character code of conduct.

Have you established those character values, morals and code of conduct for yourself? or are you just a good person. I am bothered when people tell me that. Cause I'm a good person too. That's the reality of it. I'm actually a great person compared to what these good people want to say, but that doesn't change the fact that my thoughts can flip like that and I can go back to being what they call a bad person.

What I don't understand though, is that what's the difference between a good person and a bad person. Yeah. We all know there's evil, but what's the difference between the good and the bad person. See, all of that is just subjective to whoever you're talking to. We use that as addicts to get what we want. We know the experiences, the life exposures, the history of certain individuals. So we use it to our advantage. My question to you is what lies are you telling yourself? What lies are you making up for your actions? How are you trying to avoid being present with who you actually are? We need to expose our lies. If we are gonna get to the best version of ourselves, again, I'm not asking you to be an angel. I'm just asking you to do better today.

Exposing our lies to ourselves is one of the most difficult things to do. I believe it is why a lot of people struggle with getting clean or to their definition of sober, because it's easier to come up with a lie as to why we failed than it is to expose the lie as to why we failed. The lie is not so much exposing the lies to everybody else but the ones that you tell yourself. It's about exposing the lie to yourself. I could come up with all kinds of excuses to use. It was recently my father's birthday. Me and my father have a relationship, but it is not the strongest. I hooked him up with something that I thought was dope. One of a kind there's nothing like it out there.

I didn't get the response that I wanted. So I had to adjust my expectations and expose the lie. The lie that I wanted to tell myself was, "oh, this fools a joker bro. Like, who does he think he is? I don't need to talk to him. He kicked me out. We don't even need to have a relationship." Quite honest with you. That's the lie that I could use, to use, to tell myself its okay to drink. It almost happened. But I had to expose the lie. That lie was trying to get me to forget, "you know what your dad was around. Your dad did the very best that he possibly could.". So be grateful for that. "If you choose to go drink, if you choose to go use it's because you are not dealing with the actual emotions that you're having right now." That's what I use alcohol and drugs for is to escape emotions, vulnerability. I don't like it, I'm getting better at it, but I don't like it.

The lie was what I was telling myself about the situation exposing it. I still need to control the way I think, because if I can control the way that I think, and I can control the way that I feel. And if I control the way that I feel, then I can control the way that I act. And my actions repeated are what build my character. So I'm gonna choose to think this "mine and my father's relationship is strained because the decisions that I've made and some decisions he's made, we can build that as much as we possibly can, but it takes two people."

"Am I doing the very best that I can to connect?" The answer is "yes", go. The answer is "no.". Then "what can I do better?" There's no need to go drink to use, to do all these other things that I find simple and immediatly a pleasure pleaser, because I understand this pain, In know by solving it, I wont pass it on to the next person. Exposing your lies that you tell to yourself can be the key that unlocks freedom. Why to even be the key to your own freedom, not hear how to tell you how to do recovery. This is a journey of self recovery of your true identity. Will you get it back, please? Will you define what sober is for you? Will you pursue, pursue imperfection? Meaning will you accept that? It's okay. Not to be an angel and still do better today.