Make your hands Do what your Mind says

Yo, yo, yo, what's happening, Nico here. One of the things I want to share about recovery before you quit is that your recovery journey is a journey to empowerment. As I say that, I know how cliche it sounds, how UN unique it sounds, how unoriginal and really, I felt like a counselor saying that (nothing against counselors) Not what I'm not what I'm here to do, but your journey of recovery is a journey towards personal empowerment. We've talked about my viewpoints and again, I believe that it's not a path to recovery. It's a path on personal development and a journey for self recovery. That's how I knew there's never an ending point, but just milestones that I'm able to work towards and achieve. The empowerment comes from having a decision in my head and then taking action out here in the world. You see in active addiction, when I was drinking constantly, there would be a decision in my head to stop because I knew it was bad. I knew it wasn't the best for me. I had to make a decision either I was gonna use that day or I wasn't gonna use that day. The days that I chose to use are the days that I did not build empowerment because when we take a decision from our head and we fail to put it into action, we do not empower ourselves.

Legitimately having a decision in your mind that moves into an action is empowering! That's where we get the empowerment from following through on what we tell ourselves in our heads. Anybody can make a decision in their head. Quite honestly, a lot of people do that. Then even worse, they tell people and expect people to be excited for them. Don't get me wrong. I've done this plenty of times. That's how I had to learn it. It got to the point where people started ignoring what I was saying, “yo, pop, I'm gonna get clean. This week's gonna be the week. I'm not gonna use this week.” The first time I told my father that he was all excited asking “how can I help you, son? What do you need? What can I do for you?” about the 20th or 30th time I told him that, “okay son”, “sure, son”. It was disappointing and hurtful to lie to him like that. There wasn't any action behind the original decisions that I had made. And then, like I said, even worse. I went and told somebody, the reason why I say it's worse is because I went and told somebody without actually holding myself accountable first, you see the empowerment comes from turning a decision into action, right? That's where empowerment comes from on this personal development journey, this road to self recovery.

However, if we make the decision in our head, but don't place any action out here in the world with our hands, with what we actually do, and we're telling ourselves a lie. The more we tell ourselves that lie, the less trust we have in ourselves, the less trust that we have in ourselves, the less that we trust our decision making. Now, if you're not following through on your original decisions and putting them into action, that turns into a distrust for yourself. The distrust for yourself turns into a lack of decision.Messed up cycles right?Making a lack of decision into a lack of actions. The lack of actions turns into a lack of trust for ourselves and the cycle repeats. This is how I think people get so beat up mentally and spiritually in addiction. How many times have you been through a similar cycle? You said, “nah, I ain't going. I'm not gonna use it anymore.” “I'm not gonna drink anymore.” And then a relationship issue happened. A financial situation cracked off, some sort of additional stress or pressure got put on you in life. And you broke. I say that commonly because I've broken plenty of times. The only reason why I can talk so confidently about these steps is because I've been through 'em. I had to assess 'em. I had to learn them on my own. Grow from my lessons so you don't have to repeat them.

That's why I put these blogs out, because if you're trying to get clean without going to rehab, without going to jail, without having the intense, emotional moments in time that come along with the negative experiences that drugs and alcohol lead you to. Then I have the answers for you, but you need to do the work. The empowerment comes from saying, “I'm not gonna use today.” And then not using that day.

Here's pro tip: You don't have to go a whole day. I am saying when I started to rebuild myself, when I started to rebuild trust in myself, when I started to personally develop, when I started to go down this recovery journey, as they call it, I could only go two hours. If that, that's being very generous. Quite honestly, now that I think back on it, it was like 30 minute windows that I started with. I'm not gonna use, I had the dope. I had it cooked up. I had it in the needle. I had the alcohol, it was sitting there on my dresser. To force myself to wait 30 minutes before drinking, before using that IS difficult, but I made a decision And I followed through with it on an action! Even though it was just 30 minutes of time, my mind started to rebuild trust in itself, even though it was just 30 minutes of time And I still used and I still drank my mind, started to be like, “oh, okay. When he's making decisions, he's actually following through on it.” Trust started to get rebuilt, I felt empowered by the decisions that I was making and I was able to make better decisions going forward. If you're struggling with trying to figure out how to stop drinking, if you're struggling with trying to figure out how to stop using, I'm gonna ask you to start to figure out how you can empower yourself. Nobody out here should be doing it for you. Really nobody should be trying to give you no damn validation for what you're doing. I would make this suggestion. Don't tell anybody…. tell the mirror. That's it. Tell the mirror what you're gonna accomplish that day. And then at the end of the day, go talk to the mirror again and be honest. Say, “Hey Mr. Mirror, I didn't do it. This is why I failed…."

Or

The conversation can go like “Hey Mr. mirror. I did it. I got through today without using”, when you can begin to have honest conversations with yourself, you begin to rebuild trust in yourself. When you rebuild trust in yourself, you begin to trust your decisions. When you trust your decisions, you actually take action on those decisions. When you take action on your decisions, you build empowerment in yourself. It's not easy. Don't get me wrong. Like I said, I started with 30 minute windows and I still practice this while developing new habits. And because I'm not drinking, doesn't mean that I don't still have the same type of addictive behaviors, sugar gimme a batch of cookies, slaughter it. So I have to train myself, “you know what? I'm gonna make these cookies, but I'm gonna do three tasks before I eat my cookies.” The game ain't changed. The substances have. Don't get me wrong, society Doesn't consider my cookie problem an issue, cuz I'm not out there causing bad to society anymore. But is this the best for me? By no means no, I shouldn't be eating that much sugar.

At the end of the day, nobody cares about that other than me. So if nobody cares about that Other than me, then I gotta take full responsibility for it. And if I'm gonna take full responsibility for it, then I'm gonna figure out the best way to get it done. 10 years since I shot up heroin, three years since I went on a binge. When was the last time that you used? When was the last time that you went on a drink drinking binge? I'm not here to tell you how to do it. I'm here to guide you so I can save you time, energy and heartbreak.

That's really all I'm trying to do. I'm sick and tired of seeing individuals pretending to be the best version of themselves when they're intoxicated. I'm tired of society saying that you're cool because you can handle your liquor. The only way to build empowerment in yourself is to trust your decision making, trusting your decision. Making sure you follow through on the action behind the decision. If you're not following through on the actions. And you're just talking out the side of your neck, adding hot air into our environment, that's it.

You're reducing the trust that others have in you. And then you're mad that they don't believe you again. I say all this because I learned it from experience from telling people all the time “I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z.” It wasn't until I made the decision on my own. Didn't tell nobody about it and started putting actions behind my words that I began to have results that people were like, huh? Hey, something's changing about you and I'm being selfish on this one. I love it. When they tell me, Hey, something's changed about you, but I don't know what, because I know what it is. They're seeing the best version of me. Now they're seen a version of me that doesn't try to be an angel. Doesn't try to fit anybody Else's mold. They're seen a version. That's okay with Having No Halo.